Healing Through Parenting
My teen-age years were filled with emotional wounds and many are still just barely scabbed over. Looking back now, I know that I had many judgments and expectations about what I wanted from life, and perceptions of what actually happened as good or bad. I have the luxury of looking back with wisdom and see that none of it was actually bad. I can now see those experiences as blessings and everything that they have created in me, in the present.
Then there are those wounds from not yet healed places that seem to bust open at the most inconvenient of times. We all have those places in the past that come into our present. We even have generational wounds that we carry around to share with new generations. What we do with those wounds and how we can bring love to them is where the real healing begins.
I have a teenage daughter and often feel like it is time to bring awareness to those teen-age places and allow them to find peace and heal. I’m being granted a do over as I raise my daughter. I get to see another way to experience. But my daughter’s journey is her own and I won’t heal by living through her. I will heal by walking beside her in my own awareness.
In setting intentions for this healing, I know that it will happen during our conversations. The awareness for me begins with separating the emotions that come up within me and hearing what she is experiencing for herself. I set the intention to not overlay what is mine and try to make it hers. I will not heal by continuing or perpetuating a misbelief. Wherever there are strong emotions will guide my knowing of what is mine to work through. Everything else is hers to experience. We often think that when we share what happened to us we are helping them move forward from a place of our wisdom. What we are more likely to create is a continuation of what has already happened and bring it to the present.
When I allow my daughter to talk and continue to create a space for her to share what is happening and how she feels in her own body, she comes up with her own personal wisdom. If I am responding or thinking about responding I am not listening. In listening I get to learn from her! I also get to see into her heart in ways I wouldn’t if I just told her what to do in situations. I free her from conditioning and old ways of reacting. We all have inner wisdom and insight and we don’t trust it, or don’t allow it time or space to reveal itself. I choose now to allow that time and space to trust my own inner wisdom as I allow my daughter to never unlearn hers.
Khalil Gibran’s wrote about parenting and every time I read it the passage brings me to tears: Give your children your Love and in the process we get to Love ourselves. Together we can move out of yesterday and create our own infinite tomorrows!
Set an intention: To listen…really listen.
To accept and allow each child’s journey to be their own.
To ask questions rather than to tell our own stories.
To encourage them to trust their bodies to give them wisdom.
To embrace and praise for their inner wisdom