Recently a client asked the question, what do I do now that my partner has left me? She left me with all these great ideas and experiences of love and without warning she just decided that she no longer wants to be in our relationship. I handed my client a mirror and said you give that love to yourself.
I believe my client’s partner was in her life for a reason to help her know how love felt and what it looked like. And the next assignment is for her to give the love she has experienced to herself because it is not someone else’s responsibility to love us more than we are willing to love ourselves. It is not someone else’s responsibility to fill our cups when we are unwilling to fill our own cups. It is not someone else’s responsibility to convince us of our value because when this happens we have de-valued ourselves and given away our power. And, when we dis-empower ourselves, it can be tiring to be with someone who acts dis-empowered. It seems to me that someone who does not know their own worth is worthless to us.
We are all here to be the expression of unconditional love not to wait for something outside of us to sell us on loving ourselves. It can be easy to get tripped up by the love songs we hear on the radio that lead us to believe that we need another person to give us what we want and desire, when many are not even willing to give that same love to themselves.
Ancient wisdom consistently offers us a solution, to having what we want from others. The solution and formula for success is that everything worth having starts as an “inside job.” If we want to be acknowledged, we must acknowledge ourselves first. If we want a pat on the back we must give ourselves a pat on the back, first. If we want a love affair that is over the moon, we must love ourselves over the moon first. If we want friends that are fun to be with, we must first enjoy our own company. If we want people to be patient with us, we must first be patient with ourselves. Even though this is a simple formula to understand, it may not be so easy to apply.
It takes time and intention to learn how to practice self-love, self-approval, self-appreciation and self-compassion. But, this investment in yourself, is the greatest investment you could ever make.
Here’s an exercise to get you started with the process:
- Make a list of 10 things you LOVE about yourself
- What do you feel is your best quality?
- What do you love most about your self?
- Name 5 things you love to do to have fun?
- Name 1 thing you would love to do for yourself that you would really enjoy.
- Name 5 people you love and why.
- Name 5 foods you love to eat.
- List 3 things you love to do for others to show them how much you love them.
- Create your own definition of Love. Never mind what you have been told or taught or seen in the movies. Describe Love the way you would like to give and receive it.
Are you ready to make an investment in yourself? I’d love to hear what you uncover by completing the exercise above.
Greta Counts is a New Thought Practitioner, Licensed Spiritual Life Coach, Certified Heal Your Life Teacher, Personal Development Trainer, Sales Coach and Transformational Speaker. Learn more about her work at www.CoachGreta.com